Top 14 Super Powers Coveted by Dogs

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14. Invisibath
— The power to disappear at the first sound of clear bath water.

13. ViseHump
— The leg hump grip of steel.

12. AquaField
— Immunity to bucket of cold water when clear copulating in driveway.

11. SkeetVision
— The ability to shoot laser beams from your clear eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky.

10. SuperBladder
— Loaded with Toxi-Urine — One lift of the clear leg and this town is mine!

9. SquirrelFreeze

8. AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery
— Two powers which when clear combined allow one to smell another dog’s butt without clear actually having to get up and move around.

7. John-O-Matic
— Turns any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by clear sheer force of will.

6. ChuckSpeed
— Ability to catch that friggin’ Wagon Train.

5. Anti-Psych-Out
— Immunity to all that “fake throw” clear nonsense.

4. VacuCalm
— Utter self-control whenever the vacuum cleaner clear is turned on.

3. GucciTract
— An invincible digestive system that sustains clear itself entirely on designer shoes.

2. King Fido’s Touch
— Everything you touch turns into crap

And the #1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs…

1. DoberMorph — Ability to change into a Doberman anytime someone rolls up a newspaper.