Humor: Why pets are better than kids

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baby and dogIt doesn’t take long to comprehend that those months of being kicked from the inside out, keeping you awake at night and bouts of heartburn were just the beginning of what was to come. From temper tantrums to hormonal teens, each day I learn to appreciate my pets more and more. Sure, kids have their advantages but there are some reasons why pets are better than kids.

Food – Kids cost more to feed than pets and rarely will a pet turn his nose up at what is put in front of him. When was the last time a kid could be fed on $50 a month or less? Even school lunches cost more than that for one kid. You will never hear your pet say “not meatloaf again!” Pets learn early on that beggars can’t be choosers. Your pet will also not drink from the milk carton and put it back in the fridge empty.

Bad days – A pet doesn’t care if you are having a bad day – physically, mentally, or emotionally. They are happy to see you as soon as you arise from bed – morning breath included. No matter your appearance or mood, your pet will love you unconditionally. Kids on the other hand will tell you “go take a shower grumpy.”

Money – This is a no-brainer! Pets are much cheaper than kids. No college, no gadgets, no clothes, no cars, or insurance. Even if you paid for your pet’s obedience class, a few toys, a cute hat, collar and leash, and pet health insurance – the cost differences are huge. And it’s highly unlikely that your pet will ask for money to take his girlfriend on a date Friday night.

Obedience – Here boy or here kitty kitty. Most pets will come when called. Try calling for your 16-year old daughter while she’s texting her best friend. You may get a “What!” yelled across the house if you get a reply at all. And scolding is a whole other ballgame.

If you scold Fido for pooping on the neighbor’s grass, the sweet neighbor praises “oh, what a good pet owner for making her dog behave.” But heaven forbid if your kid poops on the neighbor’s lawn and you scold your kid. Little granny next door all of sudden becomes the wicked witch of the east – “Oh, you horrible mother, you should be ashamed of yourself for punishing that poor child. If you were a good mother, your kid would have never pooped on my grass in the first place!” Point taken.

And finally there is pregnancy. You can have your pet spayed or neutered to prevent them from reproducing. Ah, the joys of no babies crying and no poop to clean up – neighbor’s grass included. A simple trip to the vet and your pet no longer has any interest in sex. And if for some reason your pet does become pregnant, you can always give away the offspring to the neighbors.